It has been a few months since my last post, I did not find the will to come here and write even just a few lines. My last post is about a day spent with some friends, but now that the weather is getting colder and the coronavirus threat is getting stronger again, I feel it will be many months before I could repeat such wonderful experience.
Since my dad died for this tremendous virus, and since I got hospitalized for the same reason, I tried to keep down the doubts inside me, as I’ve always known I can’t blame anyone for what happened. Now the story is repeating itself, people are getting sick by the day and my entire Country is fearing that a new lockdown might occur. And I feel like I could have done something for my dad, like I could have warned him to act differently, avoid going outside, meeting people, staying more at home. Then I think on how we got infected, which eludes me to this day, and I get convinced that there is nothing we could have done to prevent it. Regardless, I believe it’s the human nature to feel like we could have done something, even when we could not.
Today I accompanied a friend of mine to the graveyard, to show him where my dad was buried. It felt like it was not real, as it is everyday since March 2020. There are days in which I feel like everything is fine, as if I have accepted what happened, while there are others in which I am lost and I don’t know what to do. I know it will pass, but writing it down in my blog gives me a sense of tranquility.
Just a few lines to say that I hope this situation will pass quickly, even if I do not know what is going to be of the world and our way of life after we achieve a cure, if we achieve a cure. The only thing I am certain is that in a year or two it will be over and we will be able to gather our pieces and move forward, counting our dead and licking our wounds. Until then, I will try to be strong and think that my dad is here with me, looking above me, my sister and my mum and all of our lives.